yes i know i haven't written in a long time so here it goes , but i have a few questions for those who read this . When was the last time someone kissed you like i mean really kissed you to the point that your knees went weak and all you could think about was not letting go ? When have you looked at someone and said to your self i have to know more but not sure why or , did you ever have a dreams that were so not you but everything in the dream felt right like you were suppose to be there not wanting to wake because you knew it was a dream and knew that the things and people in your dream weren't real not in the literal sense but in the imaginative sense .
I have been for the last couple of years asking myself these and many more . It was hard to face it at first but when someone asked me what i wanted in life and out of it i had no clue for the first time i was forced to think of myself and i didn't like it i was good at thinking of what others needed of me and tried to meet everyone Else's expectations that i never really looked at myself i was in the mind set after all my cancer problems and near death experiences that making someone else smile was good enough for me . Now i feel like a lil kid kicking and screaming saying i don't want to look at what my future holds i want to stay where i am , but as my dreams of the perfect true love become more and more frequent to the point that its noon and im dead tired i wont go into details but lets just say these are far from the norm . This is so bad ive given a guy a chance to make me fall in love with him again and he has 6 months when im not really sure it was even love . love and lust are so similarity you can hardly tell them apart but i know i don't love him . i wasn't looking for anything and i found a guy that is so wrong for me in so many ways its not even humors . We don't have the same taste in movies , music , books and i love to read id rather read then watch t.v , i don't like video games and well as far as in the bedroom goes well lets just say i haven't had the best luck in that department before so now it just seems like karma want to be mean im good but guys have a hard time with self control i cant kiss any guy without him getting a hard on its not fair i want there to be more then a sexually attraction , I want deep conversations , and someone to keep up with my quick wit and intelligence not make me dumb everything down i hate saying that because it sounds so mean but its true i have a wild side but im deep and not many people get to see that because its hard to find people you relate to i do hang out with people younger then me because i can just goof around and have fun but when it comes time to have deep thought i try to avoid them if i can other wise i look like the elephant in a room .You can comment if you wish but these are just thought i have so until i find that someone that can let me be me without grabbing and saying i wont let go because you might not come back the hardest part maybe letting go but if you don't have faith enough to know that i care to come back that's a moot point
.
No comments:
Post a Comment